The Strait of Messia

It's Criminal...

2012-01-25T00:00:00.002-07:00

....that this only has 27,000 views.

But It's As Warm As Saxophones and Honey In the Sun For You

2011-11-25T00:39:00.002-07:00

Oh, I've been spending half the year in a plane going up and down,
And you've been seeing other people from a nearby town,
Been obsessing and getting depressed about us,
Excess baggage and other stupid band stuff...

Today.

2011-10-24T23:41:00.000-06:00

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stood here dithering around
Well I know I said I'd wait around till you need me
But I have to go, I hate to let you down

But I can't stop now
I've got trouble of my own
Cos I'm short on time
I'm lonely and I'm too tired to talk

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stood here withering away
Well I know I said I wouldn't leave you behind
But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say

That I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cos I'm short on time
I'm lonely and I'm too tired to talk
To no one back home
I've got troubles of my own
And I can't slow down for no one in town
No I can't stop now

And I can't slow down for no one in town
And I can't stop now for no one

The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running

2011-08-01T23:59:00.002-06:00

"But do you hunger for it?"

2011-08-01T12:34:00.007-06:00

Truth be told, I've written this post about a dozen different ways in my head. I had wordy explanations, long summaries as to where a decade (!!) in the legal profession has taken me, fond recollections of all the amazing people the blog has led me to, dick jokes, movie clips, a dump of all the pix I've saved to use for posts, a massive post of all the drafts I've never posted, etc. etc. etc. . . . but none of it really grabbed me - leaving me with, well, no good idea for a "final post." (FN)

(FN) - Now, when I say "final post," mind you, this is only the "official" end of the blog - I've never been very good at absolutes. I will probably randomly post, but most likely in the erratic way I've posted on the other blog, which means, e.g., nothing for months at a time. I just might get a hankering to publish something sometime down the road - but current frequency, current format, no.

But I found my answer as to how to frame my final post.

I went to my 20th high school reunion this weekend, and had a really great time. One of the high points was, at the picnic portion of the reunion, having my absolutest most favoritest teacher randomly walk through the park, spot three of us he recognized, then him popping by for a chat. He was the consummately cool old hippie when we were in high school - our government class, for example, included meditation and learning the correct way to do peyote. Gertie also shoved me in the direction of great books, great art, and all of the other things that the other 99% of high school teachers ignored.

As we were talking, a friend mentioned his current plan for returning to school for a new degree, and hemmed and hawed about loans, job hiring prospects, and all of that. Gertie then asked him, gesturing as if grabbing it something and clutching to his chest:

"But do you *hunger* for it?"

My friend replied with a simple 'yes,' and Gertie assured him that, then, it would all work out.

And I think that's a fair question to approach most anything with - "But do you hunger for it?"

When I first started blogging, it was a way to vent as a brand-new baby lawyer in a big scary law world. It then shifted into creating these blogging contacts with an amazing set of people that I adore to this day - but, most of whom no longer blog for various reasons. My focus then shifted to simply wanting to entertain the reader - after all, my problems and gripes and the likes aren't anything new, and aren't anything any worse, so, why not give the reader a funny video with, e.g., some dude getting hit in the nuts with something? Once that ran its course, I had the odd realization that my blog, for better or worse, had become a journal of sorts, and my focus turned really to recording mini-thoughts.

And for everything about it, I've loved it all. *But* . . . do I hunger for it any more? No, not really.

While I've loved blogging, it's fallen off the track over the last few months and, where I've been able to right the ship in the past, I haven't this time. Posting feels like a chore, and I find myself either boring as all get out or sounding like a broken record. It just feels like it's run its course.

So, I'm thinking of it as just a chapter in my life that I need to close up, and now move on to other things, other outlets. I'll still have a healthy on-line presence, and will read other bloggers, and so on...

Thanks to everyone that's inspired me to write this for so long, thanks to everyone I've met because of this, and most of all, thanks to everyone for reading.

Take care, and be good to one another.

--Bliss.

T-Minus 3 Days.

2011-07-28T00:10:00.001-06:00

Fate Fell Short This Time

2011-07-27T09:00:00.004-06:00

1) All depo prep and no play makes Homer something SOMETHING!

2) Blink-182 has a new song out:

I have an affection for Blink stemming from law school, when it was one of a few CDs that would actually play in my garbage CD player in my car. Saw them on their last tour in . . . gad . . . 2004?

3) Certain unnamed electronic document management software MUST BE LIT ON FIRE!

4) So busy between now and pulling out of town. BDay thing tonight, Sara thing tomorrow night, work stuff all otherwise, and then other stuff like "food" and "sleep" chewing up the rest. Reward? 6 hour car drive (see, by mentioning it in every post, you'll really really appreciate how much I'm sick of that drive).

Ok, worky work.

Let me get this straight, do you want me here?

2011-07-26T08:24:00.001-06:00

Gah! Nightmare fuel!

1) Hey! NFL lockout is over! Hey! I'm already bored of the NFL preseason.

2) Sox had a 16-inning game last week, and had a 14-inning game last night. Killing me on sleep, guys.

3) Yay! Sara's back in town! So I can be amused by people seeing us out and saying, "Wait, what? Why is SHE hanging out with HIM?" BECAUSE OF MY HUGE PENIS, DUH.

5) Speaking of being crass, I have to post this - it's horrendously NSFW, but it still makes me giggle.

6) I'm still working on the nerd-post, yes, it'll be done before the blog shutters.

7) Have I mentioned how sick I am of depo prep? Cuz I am.

It Demands, It Militates, It Tyrannizes.

2011-07-24T21:25:00.004-06:00

Not my thing, but, hey, at least she put a drop-cloth down.

1) Between Above The Law's seemingly endless parade of BigLaw lawyers getting hammered on child porn charges and the release of Max Hardcore from prison, it got me to thinking: what, precisely, is wrong with just plain ol' porn? We live in an era when you can go on the internet, go to Google, type "porn," and get 1.3 BILLION results (true: just checked)! It's like meth-heads - what's wrong with just plain ol' pot? Or guys that get hit with stat rape - what's wrong with just plain ol' slutty 18 year-olds? Dunno, dunno - some folk are just wired a bit differently, I suppose.

2) I was eyeballing my mound of t-shirts today - some of which I've had a looooong time, and I think it's time to cull the herd. I even have an MIT Asian Athletic Association t-shirt (don't ask). Save a few, but the rest gotta go. Maybe make a quilt?

3) Heat finally sinking in here - feels like it almost immediately went to "blast furnace" mode. Although, incredibly, I have not yet suffered a notable sunburn this year yet (knock on wood). Here's to hoping!

4) Looking forward to the reunion this next weekend - not looking forward to the drive. :/ Brother also bagged out on being there the following week, so coming back Sunday (ug) with the need to again return at some later point this summer/fall (BLARG!).

5) The Norway thing is so horrible I can't even read about it. All of the extended family on the Norwegian side have checked in ok, tho', so . . .

6) Amy.... Such a talent, such a waste.

Back to depo prep...

Luna de Miel, Rosa Pastel, Clichés, y Tonterias

2011-07-20T08:53:00.002-06:00

Is it just me, or do you ever wake up, discover you have glitter on you, think "Oh my god, how drunk was I that I ran to a strip club, apparently got 12 lap dances, got home, crashed, and don't even remember said stripper-themed evening," then remember there is no way you were at a strip club because all the cash is still in your pocket, unless you were stripping, in which case you make a very unsuccessful stripper, and then think, "well, if I wasn't getting lap dances, how the fuck did I wind up covered in fucking glitter?"

No? Just me? Um...never mind.

Ja, Ja...

2011-07-19T09:21:00.004-06:00

I've worked late every day since Friday, so haven't gotten around to writing an actual post.

So, just keep humming "The Girl from Ipanema" and I'll eventually get back to posting once the madness slows down. :)

On Being Nerdy About Stuff

2011-07-15T08:51:00.002-06:00

Almost time for Comic-Con - when nerdy girls dress in very little.

This would have been a more interesting post if I could find the stupid article that inspired it. I'll have to find it this weekend.

So, this entry will be tabled, finished over the weekend (once I find the article), and re-posted on Monday.

Have a good weekend!

I Was Criticized for Letting You Break My Heart...

2011-07-12T22:26:00.003-06:00

1) Warm weather = document review outside.

2) That being said, I cannot even express how sick I am of document review.

3) In addition to ankle/wrist tweaks, I also chummed my hands up. Washing hands is unpleasant, and I anticipate it'll be that way for awhile.

4) Aw, that's cute - summer intern is all law-crushing on me - hopefully doesn't figure out I'm making all this law stuff up as I go.

5) Only one wedding this summer? Bummer.

Depo tomorrow, need to knock of early...

Drive For Miles and Never Turn Off

2011-07-11T08:20:00.002-06:00

1) Managed to tweak my ankle AND my wrist this weekend - basketball and bike-riding, respectively. I'm sort-of athletic-y/outdoorsy-y! And in need of more pain meds.

2) Mmm, cobbler. Mmm, strawberry jam. Hooray, summer!

3) 2 full days of depos this week. Hooray for hours! Boo for having all other cases sitting there, unworked on. :/

4) Camera Obscura is apparently putting together a new album - yay!

5) "I sure hope it isn't pleurisy...again." isn't a phrase I thought I'd ever say.

6) Just a month until the BoSox series in Seattle - yay!

This is an oddly bipolar post.

The Sawmill

2011-07-07T22:26:00.004-06:00

I saw this picture a lot growing up. It comprised the only physical evidence of an oral history regarding what was in the picture - a sawmill.

Somebody - someone related to us - had died there in an accident.

Unfortunately, in addition to it occurring a world away in a completely different era, with anyone actually aware of the story having passed away generations upon generations ago, the oral history was, itself, not very reliable.

The person it initially passed through - my great-grandfather - hadn't paid particularly close attention to the details. Someone had been pulled into a machine at the sawmill. Who? Don't recall. When? Not sure. Where is this? Read the back.

On the reverse of the card, in broken cursive Norwenglish, a short summary of what the picture portrayed:

"Dette er saw mill (sagbraich).
Der Bestemor var .... ....
.... .... denne plass er Rora.
Denne plass grandmamma was killed inn."

The problem was, there was no information on who's 'grandmamma' it was, or even when it occurred.

No distant family member (whether in the States or in Norway) knew. Complications developed - there was indication that the "Rora" referred to was incorrect, and that use of the word "killed" suggested a murder, instead of an accidental death.

Then, on a fluke, a Johnny Sorensen (in Norway) volunteered to help; he was apparently a local whiz with genealogy questions.

Sure enough, within days (after years of the mystery brewing), the mystery was solved. Benedikte Gundersdatter (one of my g-g-g-grandmothers) had died at the mill in an accident.

Specifically, Johnny reported:

"Benedikte Marie Gundersdatter (b. 1825) died after an accident in Røra Saw Mill on 22th of August 1881. She was sticked (her clothes?) to an rotary axle in the mill and was so bad injuried that she immediately died. Her husband was blacksmith Magnus Mathisen. This information is to read in the church book for Eidanger sogn."

I want a reason for all this night after night after night after night...

2011-07-06T23:53:00.001-06:00

Returning from an AWESOME 4th weekend to the drudgery of doc review and depo prep has given me a much renewed appreciation for this video.

Bliss's in the booth with a chick from Poughkeepsie!

2011-07-05T22:35:00.003-06:00

People I actually know. I HAVE A NEW HAPPY PLACE NOW KTHXBAI.

1) I can't say I followed the Casey Anthony trial particularly closely; based on the random chunks of info I got, I can't say I disagree with the verdict - sounds like the State didn't put on the case it needed to. That being said, I've been wincing at the whooping and self-righteousness of her attorney - dude, your client was tagged with 4 counts of lying to investigators, and has just kind of smiled and shrugged without any real answer as to why her dead kid wound up dumped in the woods. Dunno, dunno. Reminds me of two cases I've worked on over the years - one where I was in her attorney's position and pulled off a tough win, but didn't stomp around beating my chest about justice and character assassination and all that; and another where I wandered into civil litigation related to a criminal case that had some similarities to the Anthony case, and which gave me a quick lesson as to the difference between "technically innocent" and "actually innocent" in our justice system. Just oogy.

2) I'm tired of having a hole in the ceiling of the dining room. Fortunately, no raccoon incursions - yet.

3) No drunk tank! Still have all my fingers! Good weekend for the 4th!

4) One of my favoritest people ever is visiting next month!! Hooray!

5) L. got a wicked burn on part of her back. She's ignoring demands that she see a doctor for it.

6) I got to see a new Shelby Mustang fuck with some lesser sports car on an empty stretch of road. Holy cow - me and muscle cars - must test drive.

7) Went down to a quasi-buzz cut again. Odd strategy - losing hair, so just cut it all off.

The West Is the Best.

2011-07-04T23:46:00.004-06:00

By way of announcement, I'll be officially wrapping this blog on August 1, 2011.

It'll be the 10th anniversary (to the day) of me starting as a lawyer, and I've been writing this in one form or another since then - just time for me to move on as a bit of reinvention. I'll still be on Twitter, and Facebook, and 'The Other Blog,' and, gad, I'll even be the guest-blogger on a big law-profession blog come October, so I'm not vanishing or anything - just retiring as Bliss.

Until then...MANGO!

Stick It in Ze Boot!

2011-07-01T08:25:00.003-06:00

1) Another associate leaving this week - boo.

2) Busy weekend ahead - 2 bbqs, trips to Bruneau and Craters, 'splosions with Jay, at least one solid movie obligation, etc. Oof.

3) Could not have been more entertained by Scotsgirl saying, in her Glaswegian brogue, "Walk...the...plank!"

4) Celebration for L.'s Ironman success next week - she can finally drink again.

5) Boise weather - your choice of "Seattle" or "Blast Furnace".

6) So far today: Twinkie and an energy drink. My body is a temple.

Ok, grinding out some work, then getting the hell out of here. Everyone have a good 4th!

...

2011-06-30T08:35:00.002-06:00

It's been a not-awesome week, so here's a couple of videos.

Blerg.

2011-06-28T08:56:00.001-06:00

Garfieldsexmusic

2011-06-27T07:16:00.001-06:00

1) I found new and improved ways to beat the sweet holy hell out of my hands and arms this weekend. The palm of my left hand is bruised. *Bruised.*

2) L. did great at Ironman - she came in top 100 of her division.

3) Law school reunion AND a client CLE in October. Which means I'll be here in October, if you need me:

4) For those that watched 'Outsourced,' and are visiting my wee blog to try and figure out what "Monkey Pulls The Turnip" is, I regret to inform you that it is an entirely made-up Kama Sutra position.

5) For those visiting for pix of Sarah Silverman, here you go:

6) For those visiting for pix of Sarah Silverman in the Kama Sutra position "Monkey Pulls the Turnip," no, I can't help you with that.

A Momentary Detour

2011-06-24T08:23:00.003-06:00

I thought, in lieu of boring updates about me, I would instead re-organize some of JuicyA's latest tweets into free-verse poetry. Here we go.

"Sled Island, Day 2"

Day 2 starts as soon as I take this shot of tequila.

The bikes are going for a car ride!
Vicious cycles.

There is a dude in a headband?
Another dude runningman?
Pierced arrows. Really? Wow.

Dumdum girls. I like rum.
Crocodiles and double fuzz.
Crocodiles: who knew?

Night ends with turkey.
Day 3 starts soon...with turkey.

Oh False One! You Have Deceived Me!

2011-06-21T08:58:00.003-06:00

Prepping for hearing in Hailey, so in lieu of an actual post, here's a dancing dog.

My Point of Entry is the Same Way That I Leave

2011-06-20T08:09:00.000-06:00

1) Ignore, ignore, ignore = ignore.

2) Brief knock of bourbon last night for my old man in honor of Father's Day.

3) Finally rolled around to see the new X-Men movie - it was ok; couple of fun cameos.

4) Chuckled at the outrage over one of the main characters in Game of Thrones getting bumped off - I mean, it was in the book. And, besides, the actor who died --

5) Aside: note how I'm being gentle with spoilers here, even tho, again, the book has been out for a better part of a decade and a half (I read it when it first came out - lost interest half-way through the 3rd book, and haven't been back to re-read them).

6) -- also suffered same "faux-surprising early exit from major fantasy franchise" in the last big batch of movies he was in. That's what he does. If you see him, and people are waving swords around, he's not going to make it to the end credits, mm-k?

More, but 5,000 pages of contracts to review.

Get Out The Way of Me and My Crew, Crew, Crew...

2011-06-16T08:25:00.002-06:00

1) Bruins win the cup! Beckett pitches a 1-hit CG shutout! Oh, to be in Boston right now...

2) Going away function tonight for one of my fave people here at the Firm. Boo.

3) Meager bonus check going to credit card bill. Living the dream!

4) New game intro for Star Wars game - or, as I prefer, 6 minutes of "Well, why didn't they put something like this in the prequels?"

5) Canadian riots? "We're going to pour this Tim Horton's coffee out right here in the street, eh, and nobody's going to stop us, eh!"

It Was Your Fault, You Were Rubbing My Butt

2011-06-15T08:45:00.002-06:00

If I had actually gotten off my lazy ass and scanned stuff last night, I'd have a more interesting post.

1) 3 days of depos in a small, far-flung Idaho town? WOOOO! Models and bottles, yo!

2) I started this paragraph 3 times, and deleted each thought. That's right - the stuff that does get posted is actually *after* a filtering process - scary, right?

3) While I disclaim any interest in NYC itself, this article does make me miss city life (and, no, Boise is not a "city" - it's a big suburb. Like Phoenix, except way smaller.)

4) Monkey catcher. A job that seems very appealing today.

Alright. Depo prep calls. I've stalled long enough.

More Like The "Meet Ya, Take Ya Home, and Fuck Ya Twice" Guy

2011-06-14T09:00:00.003-06:00

I'm officially under orders to clean up/clear out my bedroom at my parents' house, which has made for excellent storage over the last many, many years.

I did a quick survey on my visit home. Ufda.

First, there's the massive pile of books I've accumulated, which already fills two bookcases and a corner of the room (supplied, in no small part, by my frequent trips to one of my favorite downtown Boston haunts, the Brattle Street Book Shop).

Next, there's the closet and dresser so comically packed with clothes that I have no intention of ever wearing, but am also not keen on the thought of parting with. For example, the Arby's uniforms - wearing those again? Hellthefuckno. But they're kind of the last tangible reminder of those miserable-happy 4 years. Same with the high school rotation of clothes.

Next, there's all the photos and letters I've accumulated over the years - some of happy thoughts, some of sad thoughts. Those I'll save.

And, of course, taking up a huge pile in my room, my law school shit. Books, notes, memos, caselaw - I have less than zero need for any of that, but I still pause at throwing it away. Lawyer-training - retain everything.

Should be an amusing time when I'm up there later this summer...

I drowned my sorrows and slept around, when not in body at least in mind...

2011-06-12T21:29:00.002-06:00

1) Drive was miserable as always (tons of traffic, but really one of the first good weekends weather-wise, so I can't fault anyone), but soooo pretty - everything was spectacularly green, and the Payette was running crazy high. Super pretty.

2) Was quite content hanging out with my dad and uncle drinking Jameson and bullshitting.

3) Zip's did have the awesome Papa Joe special, so I ate myself sick on that.

4) Best news of the weekend, tho' - I'm officially an uncle! Brand new niece *and* nephew! And they're still headed out this way for a visit later in the summer - excellent!

5) Golf on Friday was a blast - we were dead last in the actual tourney, but great crew to hang out and drink with. Dunno why we even bothered to keep score.

Long day tomorrow, bookended by hearings.

Up the Goat Trail!

2011-06-10T00:16:00.004-06:00

Off north for the weekend - hope everyone has a good one!

What? Mutha Fahka's Got Horse Blood! What Y'All Got?

2011-06-09T08:12:00.002-06:00

1) An article on lawyers' me-time from one of the most depressing law-blogs on the web (and probably one of the most honest, too).

2) Had a bad dream about getting caught in a tornado last night. Extra scary, given that one of my parents' stations when I was a kid was in Kansas, and I actually did the whole tornado sirens, rushing into the cellar, etc. a few times - one even touched down within a couple of miles of our house. Scary stuff.

3) We then moved to Hawaii, and got smacked by Hurricane Iwa. Scary. I still remember being hunkered down in the living room in the middle of the night, hearing trees fall over and having part of one smash through the window.

4) Someone was relating their dating history to me, then got that terrified look with the immediate - "But, I mean, I don't want you to think I'm a slut." Please. I tend to have more of a sense of humor about dating and relationships and all that. The only person I've ever called a slut was Shane, back in college, because he was truly a man-whore then. We even found out the German word for man-whore, and called him that. Especially amusing to translate it for his dates.

5) Am sad to see Shaq retire . . . but then got even sadder realizing that I've been watching him long enough to see the beginning and ending of his long career. College and pro. That's a lotta years. Oof.

Here for the Beer.

2011-06-08T08:26:00.004-06:00

The river is running a bit high, methinks.

1) Congrats to Seattle Friend on his engagement!

2) Still stewing about a new criminal procedure rule that's being added here. I'm not going to even get started, because it'll end up in a 3 page rant. Granted, I only typically have 2-3 criminal cases a year, but it fires up the retired p.d. in me.

3) Holy crap, the sun!

4) Trying to lose a couple few pounds in a double reunion year is difficult when I've also implemented the ill-advised Cruller Exemption. Damn you, crullers.

5) What? You want another Lonely Island dick joke? Well, ok...

I Ain't Got a Thing to Prove to You.

2011-06-06T23:51:00.006-06:00

1) When I think of Elvis, I think of Michael Jordan. Why? Michael Jordan wore Air Jordans, and Elvis was backed up by the Jordanaires. Hopefully I've not just made you make that connection for the rest of your lives, too.

2) Andrew Gold died. Always had a soft spot for "Lonely Boy" - one of those songs that would occasionally give me the push to play piano.

3) I was reading an article with some comedian, who was talking about how although comedy was about wordmanship, it was more about economy of words. I think that's the general gist of what I'm supposed to be doing, but man, it sure doesn't feel real creative. Feels more like massive editing to hit page limits.

4) Speaking of, bounced over to an old friend's creative writing blog, and it felt far more intelligent than my dick-jokey blog. *sigh* I either write treatises about statutes or write as a snickering hormonal 13 year-old. Maybe there's a happy medium there somewhere...

5) But in the interim, I'm sticking with my milieu. To impress a chick, do the helicopter dick!

Who Knows? Not Me. I Never Lost Control...

2011-06-06T08:33:00.005-06:00

1) Did the Greek Food Fest this weekend - fun as always. I like mostly justifying baklava as a health food, as it's made with honey.

2) Official tired of accident scene photos. Wear seatbelts, people.

3) I'm always amused by how non-regular readers hit my site. It actually fluctuates, and, for the longest time, it was the creepy Jenna Jameson photo. Lately, however - and I mean internationally - there have been a slew of people hitting on the "Why Coldplay Sucks" entry from 5 years ago. My informal survey of search term hits leads me to conclude that, as a whole, India REALLY thinks Coldplay sucks.

4) I'm looking at the pile of documents I was going through last week and, while concluding that I had some variety of organizational scheme, I have no idea what the hell it was.

5) Bar golf thing this Friday. 4 hours of morning-beer drinking, usually. But then a drive to Moscow. Hmm. That's shaping up to be a long day. Probably have to golf beer-free (ufda).

6) Need to scan some family photos tonight. Correction - need to summon the energy to scan photos.

Plan J.

2011-06-03T08:42:00.003-06:00

1) I was overjoyed at finally having gotten a huge production out of my office, and then a new egregiously huge stack arrived. With more similarly huge stacks awaiting my review.

2) Dear Blake Lively: so there's some cell pix purportedly (see? I went all lawyer there) of you in the buff. Now, you've denied that they're you, but your lawyers are also sending out takedown letters to websites that post them. I'm thinking "Oh, they're not me, but you better damn well take them down" is an unsuccessful strategy on all points.

3) Speaking of cell pix, Weinergate. I love that the last name worked out so that it could actually be called Weinergate in the mass media, with at least the thin veneer of "Oh, it's his last name."

4) Short week, but I'm exhausted. Crossing my fingers for warm weather this weekend. Which is a sad thing to say in June.

2011-06-02T08:46:00.002-06:00

1) Hunkered down for another couchbum night and *finally* watched The Town:

Pretty good job by Ben Whoffleck the whole way around. It's basically 'Heat' in Boston, but worth a watch.

2) I'm still on the fence about Daniel Craig. Amusingly, most of the comments on YouTube appear to be expressions of outrage that someone remixed Zepp's 'Immigrant Song.'

3) Driving cross-state tomorrow for more documents. *sigh* Pretty much a no-win day. I'm still holding out that some day, someone will have their documents stored in Hawaii.

That's really about it. Coffee time!

You Gotta Know Your Limits With a Boombox

2011-06-01T08:28:00.004-06:00

1) My uncle (my dad's twin) has taken a turn for the worse, so we've been summoned home for a final visit. I'm most concerned for my dad.

2) 6-month billing cycle ended yesterday - easily one of the roughest I've had. Finally got my couchbum night, tho' - nice to finally sit quietly sans work, toast the end of the cycle, and watch Skyline, one of the more amusingly bad movies I've seen in awhile.

3) Also re: movies - I love that Orlando Bloom quit the Pirates movies, presumably to do some other kind of work for whatever reason, and immediately signs up for 2 more Hobbit movies.

4) My brother is moving across the country this summer with twin newborns. I can not even explain how stressed that makes me for him.

5) Yay! A project today that doesn't involve document review!

Fingertips Have Memories, Mine Can't Forget the Curves Of Your Body...

2011-05-31T08:20:00.002-06:00

Old-timey clowns are always creepy as shit.

1) Flogging Molly kicked ass, as always. Opening act was a little strange - multiple-organ sound was cool, but the yacht-captain-hat thing was a bit offputting. And with the odd facial hair. Felt contrived. Just play.

2) Actually had a meat-free Memorial Day. Trying to swap out one meat-meal a week - not going vegetarian by any stretch of the imagination (you can have my bacon and gummy bears when you pry them from my cold dead hands), but for the sake of the pocketbook and the waistline, less meat is probably a good thing (recall, too, that my dad had a heart attack at 52, so...)(but he was a smoker, too, so that didn't help, for sure)... wait. I got sidetracked. Spicy black bean burgers. They were good. I'm usually pretty good with black beans, so that's a good jumping off point.

3) Seriously tired of the cold and rain.

4) Seriously tired of the long-drive/quick-turnaround of Moscow trips.

5) The annual ABA meeting is in Toronto? Erm...

I Am Such a Mess, Even At My Best...

2011-05-25T22:40:00.002-06:00

1) Yup, still dig Seattle.

2) Was also good to see folks - my lightning-quick trips over there are tough; usually have time to visit one person (to the exclusion of all others), but managed to catch two people this time.

3) You know what gives me ulcers? Appeal briefs. Other stuff, too, but mostly appeal briefs.

4) Concert on Friday. Yay. Currently flying solo, but I'll wrangle someone up.

5) It dawns on me that I need to develop a shorter memory about some things, and a longer memory about others.

6) For TWG:

Now back to the good part!

Where Else But...

2011-05-24T22:59:00.002-06:00

...Von's?

Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?

2011-05-23T08:31:00.005-06:00

1) And I will never complain about charity walks again. ;)

2) Really need to get new pants. I have lots of baggy pants, a lots of tight pants (hello, world, I'm circumcised), but nothing that actually fits right. Seems pointless, tho', as I'm dropping weight again.

3) Almost time to begin the aforementioned schlepping of documents!

4) Oh, and I actually got 8 hours of sleep last night! First time in forever! Am discovering that my coffee/energy drink regimen is clearly designed to offset the usual sleepiness, so I'm a little high-strung this morning.

5) Little Sister Associate AND Foz in the same night?! Drink a' drink extraordinaire tonight!

Ok, time to race around and slam things into bags.

If The World Is Ending, I'm Throwing the Party!

2011-05-20T08:36:00.004-06:00

1) I inadvertently volunteered to do a charity walk tomorrow morning. I apparently agreed to do this months ago. I don't really remember it. Someday, someone's going to grab me off the street, and remind me that today was the day I agreed to for joining their weird cult. Which I won't remember having agreed to.

2) Oki got DFA'd. (sad message for BoSox fans....gibberish to the rest of the world).

3) I'm getting some document-review relief - hooray! Tho' I'm feeling a bit like a knob for being one of the few attorneys here on such a nice day.

4) Do I like The Naked and Famous? I think I do.

Ok, everyone have fun tonight, what with the world ending tomorrow or whatever. Realistically, tho', see you back here on Monday with the usual off-color material.

Roll Right Down To the XYZ of It...

2011-05-18T23:04:00.002-06:00

1) I'm feeling autopiloty right now (Malaise Twin, holla back!). My last week has consisted of document review and socializing (not the fun kind...on either account). Feeling a need to disengage from masses of humanity and just hunker down on the couch to heckle bad television for a spell.

2) I cracked a Great Vowel Shift joke tonight. Not a good one, just one so I could say that I'd cracked one. Which leaves just one more thing on my Sad Bucket List.

3) Side note to a long-time fellow blogger - nice work and congrats. ;)

4) So the city it tearing up a shit-ton...

5) Aside: I promise I don't swear half as much in real life as I do on here. Usually. I think. Do I really want to know?

6) So the city is tearing up a shit-ton of sidewalk corners, to install new corners that are ramped and have little yellow welcome mat-looking things. Driving to work, I saw that someone had tried to drive through some such construction, and had gotten one tire embedded deeply into this gaping pit next to the sidewalk. All I could think was, "Maybe we could lift it out." (Shout out to Irvine!)

7) I believe I'll roll down to the courthouse tomorrow and catch a bit of the current high-profile murder trial...

I know the shape of your hands because I watch them when you talk...

2011-05-16T23:50:00.000-06:00

1) Quirky spike in page hits. Dunno what for. Watch, I'll bet I can randomly score a few more: "Rosie Huntington-Whiteley".

2) That was a huge full moon tonight.

3) Just sorted my iTunes by playcount. Not what I would have guessed.

4) Assistant misspelled an associate's name in a letter today. Associate went fucking postal about it, sending a shitty email to the various assistants involved. I mean, my name is prone to misspelling, but I guess I'm just used to it. I sure don't lose my shit about it.

5) TV cancellations announced. Allow me to summarize: were you a sitcom? Did I watch you at any point during the season? If "yes" to both, then you've been canceled.

6) Still rolling my eyes over setting people atwitter over buying her a drink. I just bought her a drink, that's all. No hidden meaning to extrapolate. It was happy hour, we both had cheap tabs, and I already had my card out. Besides, picking up a $5 tab would be a pretty weak move.

7) I'll bet a buck I can slip "atwitter" into my next brief. Any takers?

8) Seattle next Mon/Tues. I'll see who I can chase out of the woodwork for a visit.

9) Ok, since I baited people into coming here by uttering "Rosie Huntington-Whiteley", I should at least post a pic:

And now, some typey-typey, then sleepy-sleepy.

Davy Jones! Giant Squid!

2011-05-16T08:35:00.000-06:00

1) Red Sox swept the Yanks. Ah, sweet endorphin rush.

2) 37 and pouring. Seriously - why am I not just living in Seattle?

3) Brundage closed (officially) yesterday, but I gotta imagine their getting pounded again. Looks like its snow in the Foothills, so...

4) Hee-hee. "Getting pounded."

5) What's the deal with old white guys calling each other (and, on occasion, me) "brother"? Are we in a motorcycle gang or something? Stop it. It's not a thing.

6) TWG, cardamom-dealer.

7) Finally got around to seeing The King's Speech. Meh.

Ok, time for typey-typey, reviewy-reviewy.

Yah, That Was Kinda Weird, But We're Back in the Club.

2011-05-11T23:50:00.000-06:00

1) I have an ass-early hearing, but am I asleep? Fuck no. I'm still up. Fuck you, insomnia. Granted, I could take responsibility for staying out with people late tonight, but no. I'm blaming insomnia. Beer was involved. I'm still blaming insomnia.

2) Lackey has now given up 6+ runs in 4 of 7 starts this year. Can we agree he eats a bag of dicks yet?

3) I survived last night. Medal, please. No more favors this year.

4) Dammit! I'm missing the Magic Flute in Seattle. It'll be gone by the time I get over there this month. *grumble* I think I'll just sulk at Von's when I'm there. Shocker.

5) Confession time: I still love reading Craigslist's Missed Connections section - and I root for everyone on there.

6) Found out today that a hot employee of a client also midnights as a barkeep at a downtown bar. WHICH IS FUCKING AWESOME.

7) What?

8) I'm still not in bed.

9) Urge just hit. I need to see the ocean again.

10) One night, I'll do a stream of consciousness entry. It'll probably be largely incoherent, tho'.

11) If you ever do genealogy, ask every single family member for whatever photos you have. I had NO idea this photo existed - here's my paternal grandmother (middle), great-grandmother (2nd from right), & great-great grandmother (to the right of my grandma), circa 1938, up in the boonies of Missouri.

12) Co-ed softball league? Meh, why not. There'll be beer, right?

Ok, this is actually becoming stream of consciousness now. So, bedtime.

Something Other Than Law

2011-05-11T08:36:00.003-06:00

Being a dance nerd, I'm, of course, loving the Google doodle today:

(and a link to the Martha Graham Center for an explanation of each of the letters)

but thought I would also add a bit more of Martha Graham's choreography:

... and a bit more of Ryan Woodward's animation:

(bonus: music from The Weepies).

I Traded in My Hollow Words for Jelly-Filled Verbs and Five-Pound Pronouns and Predicates...

2011-05-10T08:02:00.008-06:00

1) Kind of loving lip dubs right now. BC - tepid showing; UI - please *make* a showing.

(the CollegeHumor staff, btw)

2) I only agreed to tonight as a favor. Cuz I'm a nice guy. Usually.

3) Got an epic papercut mid-client meeting yesterday. The kind where the blood simply won't stop. I, fortunately, did not bleed on any original documents, and came up with a well-timed excuse to bail and reappear with a band-aid.

4) Trip to Seattle on the horizon! I will be lugging more documents. Making me, you know, really kind of an expensive courier.

5) Zoey finally gone from HIMYM? Yay!

Ok, up late randomly again last night, so time to go run in circles while injecting myself with coffee.

Your Ass is AWESOME.

2011-05-09T08:41:00.003-06:00

Rooster tail!

1) Every motorcycle in the state was at the Rooster Tail on Saturday. Seriously - that whole event gets a NASCAR feel to it at a certain point.

2) Seriously - I need fewer NYC lawyers in my life right now.

3) I'm really baffled by the fright-wing's fixation on Ayn Rand right now - idolizing a pro-choice atheist? Weird.

4) Soooo happy to see the Lakers lose.

5) But then I watched "Predators" on a whim, and sadness again swept over me.

6) I did, however, see "Love and Other Drugs" earlier - a bit formulaic, but still a sweet film, and a lot of Anne Hathaway naked, so there's that.

7) This is going to be an ugly work week. *sigh*

i wanna publish zines and rage against machines...

2011-05-05T22:49:00.005-06:00

1) Tequila. Bad.

2) Insomnia. Back.

3) It was exciting. I signed a petition and everything. Being in BigLaw makes it tough to really be overly political (especially if you're of certain leanings - tho' that can blow up severely if a client tries to impose political gags on firm attorneys, see, e.g., the Sullivan & King DOMA fiasco), so any chance to actually be a political creature is nice.

4) I wonder if I could talk the Firm into a lipdub.

5) Got ripped by a partner on something. Half-fair, half-not. Old me would have sulked about it, but current me was merely amused, because said partner hadn't ripped me in a few years. Ah, the memories!

6) Dropped one more drug!

7) No. I still haven't started yoga. Or done anything remotely athletic. Does busting my knuckles up on an engine count? No? Dammit.

8) Just me, or does the current batch of summer movies look a bit bleak? (psst - I'm looking at you, Conan).

9) Latest genealogy tidbit from my mom:

William Molyneux was a linen weaver living near Manchester, England, and had left his pregnant wife and four small children to go into town for some more material. On his way home, he was set upon by a press-gang of the royal navy and dragged down to the docks and thrown onto a man-of-war. No chance to contact his wife, the ship set sail across the Atlantic. When it laid anchor in the Chesapeake Bay, William waited until nightfall, jumped overboard, and swam for shore. He made his way inland to Pennsylvania and there joined a surveying party sent out to explore the Loyalsock Creek. He and two other men each built a cabin on the Loyalsock, thus establishing the 1st colony in that area. In 1794, having been gone for a couple of years, William signs on a ship as a sailor and goes back to England to get his wife and children. He lands and quickly learns that the marine press-gangs are still looking for him . . . . he also finds that his wife and their expected child had died shortly after he was captured. He gathers up his four little kids, puts them on a ship bound for America, and signs up, again, as a sailor for the trip across the Atlantic. The ship's officers, alerted to the fact that there might be the escaped William Molyneux aboard, go looking for him. He evades capture by pretending to be insane, and the officers don't recognize him. The ship sails, he and the children make it to his little cabin on the Loyalsock and he remains there for 53 years until his death at the age of eight-eight. He had three sons and one daughter . . . . you descend from Elizabeth Molyneux, the daughter.

And everyone remember that Sunday is Mother's Day!

May the 4th Be With You!

2011-05-04T08:54:00.001-06:00

This is it - my next tattoo. SUPERAWESOME.

2,000!

2011-05-02T08:22:00.003-06:00

Yep, 2,000th post. But instead of looking back, let's look forward!

1) New work clothes - check!

2) Beard at final pre-shave length - check!

3) Eyeglasses off, contacts in - check!

4) Super short haircut - check!

5) Week of 70 degree weather - check!

6) Comped tickets to the Aug 12 BoSox game in Seattle - check!

7) World rid of Osama Bin Laden - check!

8) Lilacs mere days away from opening - check!

I'd say we're off to a pretty good start to May!

Thanks for reading!

I'll Cut Off The Part of Your Brain That Does the Bitching

2011-04-29T08:58:00.003-06:00

1) Still have Moscow-like weather. Theoretically, it's going to be "warm" at some point. Maybe.

2) PhD bro going to be in Moscow for the summer with the new twins - yay!

3) Man, oh, man, I love depositions - never a dull moment.

Wish I had more to say, but between the flu-plague from earlier this week, the Brief-That-Won't Die, and now my return to an epic amount of document review, just kind of quiet the last couple of days.

I Like Rabbits!

2011-04-26T22:58:00.004-06:00

1) How to shut down a booty call: "Sure, but just so you know, I'm pregnant."

2) Have I raved about "The Killing" yet? No? Go watch it, get caught up.

3) New theory: XTina cloned herself, then ate the other XTina.

4) "Dude, I'm saving those to make banana bread." No, you're not. You're just letting them rot on the counter. That shit is nasty.

5) I've noticed that canoeing etc. is now referred to as "paddling" here, which I haven't heard since my summer in Maine (a long long time ago). *sigh* for Nicatous Lake....

6) Now I just have a raging headache. Thanks, flu.

7) Brief almost done! Well, then I have a few more, but that's an ulcer for another day...

Blerg.

2011-04-25T23:03:00.003-06:00

Got hit with a brutal 24-hour flu. Still recovering.

I've Got My Life A Compilation Here To Sort Out...

2011-04-22T08:14:00.000-06:00

1) Fun, fun, fun, fun.

2) Beauty and the Beast weekend! Minor league hockey playoff game tonight (which, as always, will have the feel of a bad '80s kegger), and high-falutin' ballet fundraiser tomorrow night.

3) Am loving "The Killing." Great casting. Nice to not have a cop show entirely cast with models.

4) Am so sick of this brief. Seriously.

5) I had no idea Hayden Panettiere was dating Wladimir Klitschko. Serious size disparity there.

6) Ok, I loved comic books growing up, but the movie thing is out of hand. Iron Man, sure - X-Men, yah, I'll buy into that - heck, even Superman and Spiderman, iconic, absolutely. Thor? Green Lantern? Captain America? What, no Aquaman yet?

7) Sox are finally winning again, YAY.

8) I woke up/got up at 5:30 am 4 times this week FOR NO APPARENT FUCKING REASON. I'm seriously wiped out. I'm going to sleep like a dead man this weekend, come hell or high water.

*sigh* Ok, back to the brief.

Your Temple Walls Are Made of Flesh

2011-04-20T00:00:00.003-06:00

That's a fucking BEAR with fucking CHAINSAW ARMS. Don't fuck with chainsaw-arm-bear. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN WARNED.

1) Am on the verge of delirium from this brief. I need a mental health day in short order.

2) I found myself loudly and grumpily starting a sentence on a speakerphone, "Well, we're going to tell that motherfucker--" just as a mediator walked by. Hi. We're classy here. They don't let me out much. I mostly write briefs and review documents. Human interaction? No.

3) Insomnia something fierce, too. I really have no need or desire to be up at 5:30, but it's been happening for about a week now. I'd like that to stop, please.

4) Psst - Scotty doesn't know.

5) We officially have 2 dancers at our table for the ballet thingee this weekend. ROCK ON.

6) As mentioned on Twitter, I'm buying a piano. I have no idea how the "money" or "space" thing is going to work, but it's going to happen.

7) I feel like I should have some delightfully insightful & pithy bit of wisdom in one of these update tidbits. Ok, how about: "The shorter the contract, the longer the list of headaches."

8) Oh, Siri, geez, haven't thought about her in years. I lit her car on fire. I shouldn't be trusted with "stuff" and "things."

Night!

Indulging in My Self-Defeat...

2011-04-17T23:20:00.004-06:00

I like to think I'm making better decisions as I get older.

I *could* repair this electrical thing, but now, "This is beyond my skill set. Someone else can do this."

I *could* do an awesome jump off the roof, but now, "Hey, there's a ladder right there."

I *could* drink another scotch, but now, "Then I'd start texting people."

I *could* have kept sitting there, but now, "Ok, this flirting isn't going to end up in me getting laid, and there's other stuff I could be doing. Buh-bye."

I *could* stay up til 3 working on this brief, but now, "Diminishing returns - everything after midnight would just have to be rewritten."

I *could* be a bitch about this big-ass artichoke, but now, "This sauce rocks, and I now have lots of little green spoons to eat it with."

I *could* slow and catch this guy at the next light, and jump him off the green, but now, "I'm 5 over - go the fuck around."

I *could* ask more questions and belabor the point, but now, "When something's wrong, and you're too stupid to know what to do, keep your fool mouth shut." (courtesy: The Simpsons)

I *could* complain about how I don't - past, present, or future - 'get' Arrested Development, but now, "I'll sit through 3 episodes and give it a chance since I'm being hounded about it."

I *could* run Robie just to say I ran Robie, but now, "This cinnamon roll is a delightful accompaniment to this article about Robie."

I *could* keep belaboring this point, but now, "They get the point, I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun.

2011-04-15T08:26:00.001-06:00

1) Bowling and poker today. Throw in a stogie, and I'll be "Morty, the 75 year-old Boca Raton resident".

2) So I have a friend that I've always been kind of lukewarm to - really more a friend of a friend (multiple friends). We haven't seen much of each other since law school, but once in a blue moon he'll pop up and just say something weird. No introduction, no mini-life-update - no, just throw out something weird. But the older I get, the more I appreciate it and get a kick out of it.

3) Ah, Kobe - never giving us a lack of reasons to dislike you.

4) Morning sun is so warm and nice today . . . fighting the urge to shut my office door and just take a nap.

5) Ballet Buddy going to trial. She's definitely going to need a fireman.

6) The daughter of one of my Boston bosses (I had a few jobs in law school) is randomly moving to Boise, because she thought the Foothills looked pretty. Well, that's a good a reason as any, I suppose....

Everyone have a good weekend!

Hey Ladies!

2011-04-13T08:33:00.003-06:00

1) You never appreciate how much work hinges on email until the server goes down.

2) Ballet Buddy looking stressed. Firefighter auction coming up - maybe I should coax her into going to that, blow off some steam...

3) It was alleged yesterday that my humor springs from a fear of intimacy. I've actually thought my problem has always run in the other direction.

4) I'm going to go ahead and guess that William and Kate are probably getting just as sick of hearing about William and Kate as everyone else is.

5) Sox, buddies - really? 2-9? And Lackey is pitching tonight? Ufda, ugly. Not a fun beginning to the season.

6) It already feels like the longest week ever. However, fun to be had on Friday - yay!

7) I should get up to HomeTown, but...

Ok, email still not working, so I think I'll start tormenting opposing counsel with phone calls.

Sox Win!

2011-04-11T08:29:00.005-06:00

Too true, too true.

1) Well, the Sox may be 2-7, but they won the weekend series against the Skanks.

2) Which, by the way, is the only time I ever look at the New York Post - just to read the sports section and enjoy them bitching and moaning.

3) Speaking of sports, I made ravioli (from scratch) and sauce (from scratch) and chocolate chip cookies (from scratch) and wine (ok, that was in a bottle) yesterday. Way more fun than argument prep.

4) Þ <-- that's the old letter "thorn", which made the "th" sound. Transcribing it got sloppy, esp. with the popularity of writing the "th" sound as, well, "th." So it wound up looking a lot like a "y". The only surviving relic of Þ in modern English is in cheesy "Ye Olde [fill in the blank] Shoppe" signs - but people errantly pronounce it "ye" (with the y sound) instead of the way it was actually spelled/pronounced, which would be with the th sound, "the".

5) Don't say this blog lacks an educational component.

6) Ballet was great on Saturday. Sad to see the season end.

That's as much as my brain can think of right now.

I Spent the Day Researching, So I'm Posting Something Puerile.

2011-04-06T22:34:00.002-06:00

Click to embiggen, then click again to embiggen even more.

Chariots of Fire(y Pain and Agony)

2011-04-05T21:20:00.003-06:00

So I'm toying with doing a 3.5 mile dirty dash this summer.

Mind you, I'm asthmatic and haven't run (for recreational purposes) since high school.

I went for a couple of short hikes this weekend, and managed to actually goof my knee in the process.

Rocky terrain? Nope. Muddy? Nope. Steep, tho', right? Nope. Flat. Clear. Paved in places. Aaaaand I still managed to wound myself.

So 3.5 miles with mud, fire, climbing, and, well, running? Meh, sure - why not?

GRONK!

2011-04-03T21:12:00.002-06:00

This was my Friday at work.

"GRONK!"

"Oh, gad, please shut up."

"GRONK!"

"Seriously."

"GRONK! GRONK!"

"Look, I'm just trying to finish this brief, and..."

"GRONK!"

Boston, You Know We Love You Madly

2011-03-31T00:51:00.000-06:00

Yep, it's that time of year again - Opening Day!

Go Sox!

Random Movie Musing.

2011-03-30T08:09:00.004-06:00

Have watched the original "Outsourced" movie and "Let The Right One In" this week:

Both confirmed, again, that Americans generally can't be trusted with remakes (see, "Outsourced" on TV, and "Let Me In").

Sorry, "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" - you're next.

Monkey Pulls the Turnip

2011-03-29T11:12:00.005-06:00

So I randomly got an email from an ex-girlfriend from law school. It was a bit of a teeter-totter moment.

First, I was stoked - "Hey! I haven't heard from you in ages!"

Then I read it. She wrote - exclusively - for the purpose of noting that I post too much about alcohol. Not, like, in the sense of making sure I hadn't devolved into an alcoholic or anything, just to nit-pik me over it.

"Oh! Well, screw you! Still hunting a job there, Ms. Find-Myself-in-the Bay Area?" [side note: why are people surprised that I can be a dick? I mean, I did get through law school and work in a firm - clearly I have some Type A personality traits.]

But I didn't reply that way, of course. So I immediately swung back to bemusement, and thought of random ways I could randomly nit-pik her in a funny way.

"Well, you are REALLY loud during sex."

That made me laugh, but I figured that would do little more than trigger an e-mail war.

So I toyed with explaining it to her.

"Read the sidebar. I'm writing as "Bliss", not B. In reality, one or two drinks, and I'm usually done for the night. I'm pretty much past the 'all night rager' point in my life. I'm still baffled by people that can finish a whole bottle of wine by themselves."

But then I thought that just sounded like an alcoholic rationalizing their alcoholism. [aside: Is there really an effective rebuttal when someone accuses you of being a drunk? You either admit it, or deny it, in which case people will just point out that alcoholics deny their alcoholism. No-win. Kind of like, "Have you stopped beating your spouse?"]

Then I had a wistful recollection of when we dated.

Then I had a grumpy recollection of how disasterous the breakup was (mutual breakups are supposed to be the easy ones . . . dirty lie).

But, then, I was mostly amused that after all this time, she thought to write me a surly note about drinking.

So I just wrote back a "Ha!" and asked her how she was.

Cheers to all my friends...even the slightly nutty ones.

[final aside: because I am, no doubt, someone else's "slightly nutty" friend.]

Isn't It Messed Up, How I'm Just Dying to Be Him?

2011-03-27T22:58:00.007-06:00

1) Another exhausting weekend. I drank all the caffeine. Hope no one else needed any.

2) Still have the beard. Haven't heard a convincing argument either way to keep it or lose it. And, well, I'm going to milk this "not shaving" thing for as long as I can.

3) Unrelated thought: I blame dopamine.

4) I need to get up to Moscow, but . . . ugh . . . TWG! Quick! Malaise Twin Powers - ACTIVATE!

5) Speaking of "meh," saw 'Battle:LA.' Meh.

6) Bracket in shambles! Damn you, bracket! Oh, well.

7) Had an unfortunate run-in with pine sap this weekend. I still don't have it all off. Throw in the unkempt beard, and I'm carefully crafting a logger look, minus, you know, "muscles" - SEXY.

8) I think I'm going to make up some kind of work trip to get back to Seattle for a couple of days.

9) Um...I'm reading a book on whaling . . . yah, there's just not really a whole lot interesting going on right now. These list-posts, day after day when in the middle of appellate briefing and document review, are tough. I need to go back to single-topic rambling.

Yah, I'm fading - am ceasing to be even remotely cogent or interesting.

Ours Is Just a Little Sorrow...

2011-03-23T22:39:00.004-06:00

Old friend going through some hard stuff. Bitching about my stuff seems kinda petty. So just going to sit quietly for a day or two.

B.

Bliss Make Words Good Hearing.

2011-03-23T08:20:00.002-06:00

I can't write condolences. I mean, I can:

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

I would just never write that. Why?

1. Humor - I default to humor. Everyone has their own little self-defense mechanism, that's mine. Jokes come long before serious discussion. Fortunately, I know I do that, so I at least have the commonsense to *not* do that when told of a loss. Then the problem is, what do I say instead?

2. "Prayers" - I'm really not a religious person, and promising someone "prayers" - when, in fact, I have no intention of praying to anything, be it God, Shiva, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster - just strikes me as disingenuous. I mean, if you're taking the time to offer condolences, they should at least be sincere, right?

3. Duplication - In the same vein of sincerity, unless they're family or really close to you, you're going to be offering condolences after many other people have, and those many other people have offered something pretty similar to what I've written up at the top of this post. Parroting that, again, strikes me as insincere (but just saying it - I certainly don't fault *anyone* I've ever gotten condolences from, however they're worded), so I hit another pause in trying to form the words.

4. Wordsmithing - So, having nixed humor, prayers, and stock expressions of condolence, I'm trying to wordsmith something myself, and manohman, that's when that little Type-A hyperanalytical me kicks in. "Do I offer 'wishes', or is that just a congratulatory thing?" "Do I say, 'and your family', or 'and yours'?" "Should I even mention anyone else?" "Should I word this neutrally, because I don't know how they actually felt about this person, or if this was just the end of a long-suffered disease?" etc. Parsey-parse-parse.

So, by all means, have a birthday - you'll get a funny card and note. Getting married - ah, you'll get a gushing message from the rank sentimentalist in me. But someone died? - well, just know that I feel absolutely terrible for you, and I'm just struggling with how to convey that...so it's going to take me a couple of days, and it'll still come out awkward. But just so you know that in advance...

So Far Removed From All That We Went Through...

2011-03-21T23:55:00.002-06:00

A Little Bit of Spine You've Been Saving For His Mattress

2011-03-20T22:25:00.005-06:00

I'll say it again - some superheroes don't translate to live action.

1) Woefully overmatched at poker on Sat. night. At my opening table, there were the top two finishers last season, one of the organizers, and two "I play every damn weekend!" old coots. And there there was my end of the table - Bliss and his merry band of (two other) idiots. Instead of a brutal three-hour beatdown, I prefer to think I got to drink REALLY expensive beer for three hours.

2) Look - at the end of the day, I get paid to speak and paid to write for a living, and am expected to do both in convincing fashion. Put me in front of [X], tho', and I'm a fuckwit. Did I really just do the Yoda voice?! What the FAAAHK?

3) Yes. [X] is a nickname, not just a placeholder. It makes sense in my head.

4) Bracket doing ok.

5) I completely flaked my fantasy baseball draft. Which makes me 1-for-3 on "male leisure activities" this weekend.

6) Nobody caught the ghost-post. I'm curious...let's see...all told as of right now, 1975 posts, 303 unpublished.

7) Shave the beard? Not shave the beard? Still undecided.

8) This really would be a more substantive post had I not worked on a contract this weekend. Next weekend looks overbooked (again), tho'. A comedy of errors will ensue.

And now it's that exact moment where I debate - go to bed and get a full night's sleep, or snag a nightcap and watch something on the DVR?

As I hit "Publish," I'll still be undecided...

Models and Bottles

2011-03-16T08:02:00.001-06:00

1) Cuz nothing makes me feel like a playa than document review.

2) "Don't want you hanging out with no one but me" - from Ben Folds, a cute sentiment. From anyone else, stalkery.

3) Staying up/out late is losing its charm. 1 am last night was rewarded with wicked cold downpour.

4) Sarah_Skull advised me that I'll be rooting for Gonzaga. Works for me!

5) Speaking of, I still need to do my bracket...hmm...maybe I'll pick by uniform color this year (I think I picked alphabetically last year).

6) Every time I meet someone who hasn't heard "Maggie May," I want to poke and prod them and then take them to a lab for observation.

Ok, time to pop open those bottles of Cristal!

And by "pop open those bottles of Cristal," I mean "review more documents."

I've Had Time Enough to Grow a Beard For You...

2011-03-14T19:59:00.003-06:00

Idaho, the Red State.

1) Trey McIntyre Project show last Saturday - it was great. Musical accompanyment by no less than the Preservation Hall Jazz Band. Awesome.

2) TMP is fun, because it's a younger crowd, bit hipper, definitely noisier, and a bit more laid back. That being said, there were SO many people kissing each other on the cheek in greeting. I have *no* friend I'd do that with. Maybe I'll do it to opposing counsel before a depo to screw with them.

3) BC got screwed! Who am I going to root for in March Madness now?

4) My fantasy baseball league is already an eyeroller this year - we have more attorneys, and, hence, more ongoing dickering over league rules. Mind you, the season starts soon, and we don't even have league rules yet. *sigh* Fun...fading...

5) I chipped a tooth this weekend. I wanted to grouse and bitch and moan, but with the whole tsunami thing, it seemed a bit petty and self-absorbed to be whining about that.

6) Was also sick. Dropped 5 pounds in a week. Best diet ever.

7) AWESOME seats to the Sox game this year, btw. Behind home plate. Booyah.

8) Really, Scarlett? Sean Penn? Ufda.

Ok, time for some a'drinkin'!

The Hills Are Alive....

2011-03-10T08:28:00.002-07:00

1)...with the sound of settlement....

2) Found someone to go with to the fancy ballet function, so, you know, I won't be the lecherous old guy skeeving on 21-year old ballerinas.

3) Didn't realize that Wisconsin had also gone insane. Are we sharing state legislatures?

4) Mid 50s this morning - will it last? Eee!

5) Wait, we spring forward this weekend? FUCK THAT.

Gah! Swampage!

Whereinafter.

2011-03-09T08:21:00.006-07:00

1) I found myself hopping - literally - around the copy room today to wake up.

2) Why? Yesterday was one of those days where you roll in happily with your coffee, sit down with a nice little plan for the day, and then suddenly it's midnight and you've just weathered a last-second project shitstorm.

3) Is there another language that randomly jams words together into a single new word, for no apparent reason? Why is "never the less" - fine words, understandable phrase - collapsed into "nevertheless"? (see also "whereinafter").

4) But what better way to wake up than by immediately texting my not-love about BU and the Blue Line?

5) I can see today is going to be full of getting-bogged-downery.

6) I mean, I'm not big on schadenfreude, but man oh man, I love seeing LeBron lose. Guy sure does a lot of preening and self-glorification when, in reality, he has exactly as many NBA championships as I do.

7) Yesterday was Fat Tuesday? Man. My Fat Tuesday sucked.

8) Oh, and F you, BU and Blue Line.

To the horses! We're storming the castle!

I Was Going To...

2011-03-07T10:39:00.002-07:00

...write about lime curd, but I decided to post this Picasso instead.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

2011-03-04T07:52:00.002-07:00

1) Had my "OMG it's March already" moment today.

2) Skipped city league this year - because of blahblahblah made-up excuse (let's go with coke and hookers, or as Charlie Sheen calls it, WINNING!) - and now feeling like a fat out-of-shape slob. Not a good feeling with reunions coming up.

3) Uh-oh. Vernal equinox also bearing down on me. That's the unofficial "time to shave off the beard" date. I'm liking the not-shaving thing.

4) Down to only one trial this year - wtf?

5) I'm convinced our state Legislature has gone insane.

6) Will someone go to Tennessee for me, please? Please?

7) I had a weird Fight Club moment yesterday. I'm typing away, typitytypitytypity, look down, and there's blood on my shirt. Quick check, and no identified source of said blood. BBall Associate rolls in, "What's on your shirt?" "Blood." "Your blood?" "I ... don't ... know."

8) I'm telling you, great product idea: Subtexts. Whilst having a conversation, you hold up a sign that clarifies what you're actually playing at. Best sellers, guaranteed, would be "I AM ASKING YOU OUT" and "I AM NOT ASKING YOU OUT."

9) The bear offered no response.

10) It dawns on me that I've overscheduled my weekend. Hmm.

And that's that! Let's go do some Friday.

But Good Things Come to Those Who Wait ('Cuz She Laid Me)

2011-03-03T08:22:00.005-07:00

I actually finished reading a recreational book!
1) Work email servers are down. This is both great and horrible news.

2) Star Wars nerd? Here's a cinematic from the new game coming out...

3) Ballet Buddy is actually a muckity-muck with the ballet. The annual formal event is coming up, and she told me she's prepping the seating chart, and is sitting my favorite dancer at my table. 'Cuz she's cool like that.

4) Just when I thought I was catching up on documents, BAM - two more bankers' boxes appear packed full o' dox. All to be reviewed in short order. *sigh*

5) Down to one trial for the year. Work! Slipping! Away! Bliss! Going! To! Vegas! And! Seattle! And! Oregon! Coast! Instead!

6) Watching YouTube clips from Carnaval. Now I'm distracted for the day.

Ok, dox await...

I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me...

2011-03-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

I've posted this pic before, but, dammit, I needed to see Chewbacca, riding a squirrel and fighting some damn Nazis today.

1) So I wounded myself, which means I have to lay off some of my other drugs (steroids, ass-mar, all that). I'm half-dosing it, and amused by my body's reaction thus far - libido raging furiously, and super-sensitive to caffeine. Fortunately, the Type B personality stifles the urge to run around punching and humping people.

2) I mean, not punching AND humping people - presumptively, I wouldn't be doing both to the same person. I mean, unless that was their thing. In which case, I'd still probably feel weird about punching them.

3) I ended a client phone call with "Thanks a munch." I don't even know what that means. Broken tongue.

4) Hurry up, baseball season!

5) The trick with long document reviews is that they are BOOOOOOORRRRRIIINNNGGG. Nothing worse than being locked in a whole with the same music on a loop and a gallon of coffee (far away from the documents), re-reading the same email that some idiot printed 25 times (thanks, dude). I have nothing but sympathy for BigLaw associates that are shackled in the basement doing that for 4 years before their initial Partner-or-Perish review.

6) Amusingly found that Camera Obscura made a stop in Boise a couple of years ago - not to play, but just as a mid-trip off-day stop. I held my breath reading the entry, but they fortunately seemed at least pleased with the town.

Ok, many angry-grams to write today!

I've Created a Monster, 'Cuz Nobody Wants to See B. No More - They Want Bliss! (I'm Chopped Liver!)

2011-02-28T08:50:00.003-07:00

1) I went ice skating this weekend - first time in 25 years. Am happy to report that I did not break my neck.

2) I lost the Oscar pool badly. Serves me right for only seeing 4 of the 10 Best Film nominees.

3) Tho' I lost, the Oscar viewing party was fun. Even the fashion part is entertaining (hello, Mila Kunis' jubblies).

4) No, really - how are Hilary Swank and Matt Damon *not* related?

5) Two films that got hosed on nominations: Tron (seriously? Not even a visual effects nod?) and Tangled (seriously? No best animated film nod?). Film that had too many: Social Network (attention, critic/fanboys: it's NOT the most important film ever made, I promise).

6) Film that got hosed on wins: True Grit.

7) Congrats to Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman for helping Aussie actors not all look like racists and/or thugs (I'm looking at you, Mel Gibson and Russell Crowe).

8) Melissa Leo dropped the f-bomb, but my money would have been on Bale doing it.

9) Anne Hathaway - still rawr.

10) James Franco - still don't get the fuss.

11) Baseball season creeping in! Fantasy league starting back up!

12) Poker league starting up again, too! More excuses to drink beer and lose money! (wait...)

13) Young pretty female associate snagged me after the depos last week and told me how much she loved to 'watch me at work,' and that it was 'a real pleasure to watch me do depositions.' I mean, I'm not kidding myself that she's aching for Bliss-bone (that sentence made me giggle), but can I dare to dream of someday being someone else's ODHLC? (Officially Designated Harmless Law Crush) Dare to dream!

14) Pretty, but had brutal hands - they looked like she'd been working an Arctic crab boat or something. Chummed up, bandaids - who knows, maybe she's a rock-climber or something.

15) She also had librarian shoes. Tsk, tsk. See, ladies? And you thought we didn't notice things like that.... ;)

BACK TO THE GRIND!

Ok, back to the grind.

Just One Shade of Grey.

2011-02-23T22:42:00.004-07:00

1) Two more depos today, another tomorrow. Exhausting.

2) I was requested to dispense additional relationship advice. Huh.

3) Today's diet consisted primarily of cake, donuts, and coffee. There was also a bagel, which means by default, the healthiest thing I ate was an unfried donut.

4) I think I'm going to poke a bear with a stick.

5) Meh, maybe later.

6) I'm not good on the phone. Terrible, in fact. I need to see the person's face when I talk to them. This is, of course, inherited directly from my father, who I called tonight for his birthday. Painful. Neither one of us have any business using a telephone.

Ok, fading fast.

Last Night I Was East With Them, and West Within...

2011-02-22T23:17:00.002-07:00

Hooray, larger beer selection!

1) Depo today. It was a doc-u-slog.

2) "Scrumped" (aka dry-humped). It's a word now. Use it.

3) Opposing counsel told an amusing story about her kid being the product of a wild trip to Vegas. I think other counsel were horrified, but I got a chuckle out of it. People never cease to surprise me.

4) Pet peeve? When someone assumes that a young female attorney is a paralegal. Makes me grumpy. In this day and age, people should realize that there are, in fact, female attorneys.

5) If you have ever taken someone's testimony (depo, trial, etc.), the car ride home afterward naturally results in 10 questions popping into your head that you should have asked, which results in generally brutal self-criticism and depression. But depos are a godsend - you can leave them open, and re-depose later. Thank you, depos.

6) Watching the dunk contest was fun, and, arguments about prop use aside, when did people start getting 2 minutes and an infinite number of tries to dunk? Just dunk the damn ball on the first try. If you can't, you lose. Otherwise, it's like watching me try to shoot trick shots in the driveway - not fun.

7) My romance advice was well-received. Now, if only I weren't a complete fuckwit myself...

8) Brother calls. Brother does not leave a message. Brother does not answer phone or return texts. Is brother dead? No, brother is just a hobbit-like recluse.

9) I don't get the brown butter thing.

10) My upper body is sore. And I'm not admitting why.

Ok, sleepy time, then coffee time, then deposition time. WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

"I Want a Girl from Southie!"

2011-02-21T22:59:00.003-07:00

1) Actually dispensed relationship advice to someone. At their request, even. And a deft task, indeed, given my own lack of introspection.

2) Saw "The Fighter." It was ok, I suppose - a family drama masked as a boxing film. Mostly made me miss Mass., more than anything else...

3) This weekend revealed me that, while I can still hold my own at bowling, I'm a walking emergency room if I have ice skates on.

4) My dad turns 69 on Weds. Uf. My mental image of him always has him squarely in his early 40s.

5) I'd like some gratz, please - I bit my tongue THREE TIMES this last week rather than losing my shit with opposing counsel, for various (valid) reasons.

6) Teddy Roosevelt. Love the bombast.

7) Made manicotti with my own marinara sauce this weekend - and it beat the hell out of document review.

8) Survived my lunch with the ex-boss. Actually, she was doing pretty good, and it was good to see her in a better state than usual.

And now, lots of depos in the morning, so sleepy time.

'Cuz I Can't See Further Than My Nose At This Moment...

2011-02-18T08:09:00.001-07:00

1) Minor league hockey this last weekend - first fight broke out 10 seconds in the game. It was AWESOME. Guy in front of me was also a rabid BoSox fan, so the sheer awesomeness of this next season was also discussed.

2) Opposing counsel played the "I don't talk to associates" card on me today. Because of the muddiness of the case, I bit my tongue. But I will remember it.

3) Work people tried to rope me into a Katy Perry v. Lady Gaga dispute. Meh - two different flavors of the same kink. One wears Reddiwhip cans on her jubblies, the other wears machine guns...

4) The state Legislature voted to nullify the health care law. Then they ran out into the streets, firing six-shooters in the air and looking for Ned Beatty so they could rape him.

5) Music is incestuous, and I appreciate that folks are gonna rip off other folks (I'm looking at you, Zepp). But really? Lady Antebellum ripping off Alan Parsons Project? Brit-uh-ney ripping off Survivor?

6) Lunch with ex-boss today. Happy to see her, but don't have a particularly high threshold for drama today.

7) Let's see, when to fit in a doctor's appointment and a trip to the mechanic....hmm....looking bleak...

8) Speaking of bleak things, I'm due to drive up to Moscow here shortly. Happy to see my parents, but hatehatehate that drive in the winter.

Binders beckon!

Bizzy!

2011-02-17T10:00:00.003-07:00

I'm still engaged in a long-running battle with these binders that are still staring at me, so haven't had much time to write about, well, much else.

I've always thought the best hold music of all time is The Girl from Ipanema, so here you go in the interim:

So I'm Packing My Bags for the Misty Mountains...

2011-02-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

1) Title: thick fog over the Foothills this morning, so, of course, Misty Mountain Hop...

2) It strikes me that Eminem has reached that "Weird Al tipping point" where he's now outlasted a number of the people he was making fun of. Anyone heard from Carson Daly, Fred Durst, or Moby lately?

3) Less Bieber, please.

4) I had no idea that the French still had a New France possession. Huh.

5) I'm guest-blogging on an actual lawyer site this fall. What? Bliss? Non-anonymously blogging? Hrm?

Binders still beckoning...

Two Holidays for the Price of One!

2011-02-13T23:31:00.001-07:00

Some people will be celebrating Valentine's Day today.

I will be celebrating pitchers and catchers reporting - GO SOX!

Wave Goodbye to Our Thankless Jobs, Drive For Miles and Never Turn Off...

2011-02-11T08:37:00.005-07:00

1) Longest. Week. Evah.

2) Valentine's Day on Monday. Remember - telling someone that you hope they're "getting ass for VD" means one thing, whereas "getting VD ass" suggests a different thing entirely.

3) I have a scary-huge set of binders staring me down for a multiple-day project. F you, binders.

4) I think I was asked out yesterday. I'm not sure - I've always been fuzzy on those things. I was busy.

5) Title from a Camera Obscura song. Kinda loving them right now.

And back to the binders.

I'll Take Myself to an East Coast City and Walk About

2011-02-09T22:01:00.004-07:00

1) Everyone keeps talking about the photo, so now I know no one's reading the article.

2) I like to think I'm comparatively Type B personality-wise, but I about lost my shit today with a crappy email from opposing counsel. Wisely, I consulted with the client, who laughed it off, whereas my first instinct was send a super-douchy response dripping with sarcasm. Temper, temper...

3) Breathing thing today. Stupidly held out instead of going to see a doc.

Now just mopey.

4) Quote of the day sans context: "That right there is a shitload of Garamond."

And that's all I have today....

Just To See, See You Home...

2011-02-08T22:21:00.003-07:00

1) I currently have a twitching eyelid and a bloody nose - I AM THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!

2) Folks are chatty tonight.

3) People are seriously still hashing on Christina Aguilera over the Superbowl anthem thing? People - if you've ever been to a sporting event, or seen one on TV, it happens. Let go. Talk shit about that garbage the Black Eyed Peas peddled at halftime instead - we're all now stupider for having heard it.

4) Day two, post-publication, and I still don't have a legion of hot law-groupies. Harumph! I bet Judge Posner does. I'd get WAY more ass than Posner. *grumblegrumble* Robbery!

5) Speaking of, apparently a male attorney at another firm called me "cute" based upon my pic in the article. 1) No. 2) Bitch, I'm A BADASS LITIGATOR, not "cute."

6) I am friiiiiiiied. Day 10 or 11 or something, straight, of pulling 10 hour billing days (not work hours - billing hours). I'm sick of the Westlaw splash page, yes yes.

7) 18 year-old me would not have asked about the scar. 37 year-old me just enjoys hearing people talk things about themselves they normally just internalize.

8) I'm sorry, but I'm still suspicious as to why the super-cool intellectual French-speaking ballet chick in our high school class who ignored me in high school and for the last 19 1/2 years has suddenly decided we need to stay in touch. Current theory: she's charged with a felony, and wants free legal advice.

And I'm still fried, so going to bed.

I'm Writin', Yo!

2011-02-08T08:31:00.002-07:00

Article published yesterday, in the state-wide bar journal.

Which means I'm currently holding my breath that no one spots a mistake - a typo, an overruled case, a nonsensical turn of phrase, etc.

Which, of course, is really sucking the joy out of getting published again (my last article was in 2001, so it's been a few years).

Maybe I'll just start writing trashy romance novels instead.

[PS - And be sure to drop Rolpol a congrats on the new baby!]

Yep, More Feckin' Random Thoughts.

2011-02-06T01:22:00.005-07:00

1) At some point, people decided that my nickname should be "B", said all hippity-hop. I'm still undecided on this.

2) I'm going to be a blogger for a national lawyer thingee. Yes, that's vague for a reason.

3) Ballet Buddy is dating again. Good for her. Cuts back on the not-dates, but, meh, all for a good reason.

4) Was hoping to have a relaxing Superbowl, but I'm now slated for 3 party visits. Hopefully there won't be many Steelers fans, as I intend to say "Rapistberger" as often as possible.

5) SCOTCH REFILL INTERMISSION! Take it away, Neil Diamond:

6) I haven't really ice skated since 6th grade. So I went, consequences be damned - it was a bloodbath, and I'm sore in unfunny ways.

7) I'm going to be an uncle! Twins! July!

8) "Googie" architecture. Only one example in Boise. Just in case any reader cares.

9) A pneumonia plague is dropping people like flies at work. However, in a fortuitous stroke, I inadvertently got my pneumovax earlier this year.

10) Almost 4 years? Ufda.

11) Oh, damn right I'm going for the full 3-game BoSox set in Seattle this year.

And now I think I should go to bed. Lots of unhealthy activities tomorrow.

But I Started Drifting Around the Part About Me Acting My Age

2011-02-01T22:55:00.004-07:00

1) I tried to explain the concept of why guys go to spring training to a girl today. There's really no way to explain it that doesn't sound nerdy and/or slightly gay. It's just a baseball thing. It's like movies with explosions and gunfire. Guys just do it. Like Mike says, "I'm just going to own it."

2) Speaking of movies with explosions and gunfire, The Mechanic was horrifically awesome-bad. Hooray for Jason Statham's commitment to simply remaking The Transporter over and over and over and...

3) Speaking of Mike, she still owes me a beer. Or three.

4) My victorious return was greeted with a clogged sink that was resistant to all kinds of chemicals and a snake. FML.

5) Whenever there's an anticipated drinking and/or gambling event at the Firm, a number of people will ask, "Oh, you're planning that, right?" I really need to reinvent my image to, well, anything other than "that alkie with the gambling addiction".

6) I mean, I didn't even drunk text *anyone* last night.

7) On purpose.

8) Today was one of those SPECTACULAR weather days in Seattle - the Bainbridge ferry was a perfect ride. I need to go back for shitty weather so I don't talk myself into moving there.

9) The partnership thing is being broached. Blerg. I'm no good with big decision-making.

10) Is it vacation time yet?

The Best Imitation of Myself.

2011-02-01T07:39:00.002-07:00

1) Yep - hotel coffee still sucks.

2) Love this bar. Been a perfect place to hunker down from the cold the last couple of trips here.

3) Went back here, and was as great as last time. Went with a Lifer Associate, client rep, Military Bro, and Betsy. Everyone got along great.

4) Waiter was hilarious.

"This wine is delicious."
"No, the wine is tasty - YOU'RE delicious."

I wound up with the nickname "Rough and Sexy" - don't ask.

5) Every now and again I'll read a really great article in a magazine, and think, "Man, what a great article - I wish I could write like that."

"But," I then sniff, "*they're* paid to write."

Then I remember that I'm paid to write, too.

"True," I think, apparently now arguing with myself in my head, "but I have to write legalese."

But that's just a terrible excuse. I just need to write better.

6) Bumpy flight over. Didn't help with my ever-increasing flight-anxiety.

7) Get to hang out today with Little Sister Associate, see her big new Gigantor Law Firm digs!

It's Like Two Ewoks Chillin' in My Boxers!

2011-01-31T09:30:00.004-07:00

Busy work-weekend, and chaotic today, but will post tonight from my hotel room.

Meanwhile, here's a song about balls.

I Just Settled All My Lawsuits - FUCK YOU DEBBIE!

2011-01-26T22:15:00.004-07:00

1) Rough day for friends - one had a miscarriage, one was reported to the bar by a federal judge. Reminds me to stfu about my things.

2) Tomorrow shall be a most excellent battle royale between coffee and Nyquil, I suspect.

3) It's dawned on me that I'm still the most severe asthmatic I've ever met. I'm fucked.

4) Ok, everyone root for Boston College tomorrow vs. Duke - I have a bottle o' liquor riding on it. And not the cheap shit.

5) Yes, yes, cursor. You've been flashing at me for the last hour, waiting for me to cite something - anything - in this brief. Currently, my plan is to cite some random case in a gigantor block quote, followed by a demand the Court reject any attempt by opposing counsel to cite the case. I'll follow that up with crazy-eyes at argument.

6) I think I'm on day 12 of "waking up at perfect comfort level and perfect warmth, only to have said state of nirvana shattered when forced out to go to work".

7) As a random aside ("Wait, aren't these all random asides?"), I love cake day.

8) Professor Brother making weird allusions to moving to Pittsburgh. No explanation offered, nor likely forthcoming.

9) Back to Bainbridge Island next week!

Aaaaaaand I'm fading. Night!

And Mothafahkas Act Like They Forgot About B.

2011-01-25T22:13:00.002-07:00

1) Long depo today. Ufda. I drank too much coffee.

2) TWG currently hates (quote: "Haaaaaaaaate") boys. I can offer little in defense of my half of the species. I hope we can bounce back, tho'. Aaaaand I'm sick, too.

3) Almost 30 years later, Dark Crystal is still a creepy-ass film.

4) Speaking of my half of the species - I appreciate a good ribald anecdote from time to time, sure, but the "I ate out a stripper in front of my friends" story today, as told (loudly) in a crowded restaurant at lunch (children present!), made me want to crawl under a table and never re-emerge.

5) And while we're on the subject of things said too loudly, please, fellow lawyers, pleasepleaseplease stop saying "We'll jew them down." It's bizarrely overused and tolerated phraseology in the legal profession. WTF?

6) This list thing isn't a permanent blog switch. I'm just fried on briefs etc., and can't bring myself to write thoughts longer than one or two sentences in length.

7) Zucchini bread, you keep ending up dry, and it's pissing me off.

8) Uh, world - "The Social Network" wasn't *that* good. Settle the hell down.

9) Oops. Body gave me a rally-fake-out. I'm crashing fast.

Ta!

That Befuddling, Nameless Thing, That Janus-Faced Verbal Monstrosity

2011-01-23T21:08:00.007-07:00

1) Bears lost - boo.

2) But the Jets lost, so, yay, finally, the J-E-T-S can S-T-F-U.

3) Saw "True Grit." Rather enjoyed it. Never been a huge Coen brothers fan, but...

4) Also saw "No Strings Attached." Dumb romcom, but still worth a few laughs, and definitely crasser than suggested by the previews. Between that, and Black Swan and her sex scene with Mila Kunis (woohoo!), three cheers to Natalie Portman!

5) Speaking of Natalie Portman, let's talk about tingly balls. (remember: nonsensical segues are the best). What's with adding things like eucalyptus to men's body wash there, product manufacturers? You're aware that we wash our *entire* body with "body wash," correct? 'K, so why you making my balls tingle? Now, I'm sure there's some men out there that dig it - and, knowing my fellow males, have undoubtedly created several websites for it, are having a convention for it, and are trying to figure out how to convince their significant other to bring it into the bedroom - but I'm also comfortable in saying that a fair number of us don't want the tingly-balls sensation. At least, not the "mild chemical burn" variety.

6) Last week was mixed professionally. Killed the cases I handled, but silly work squabbles kind of soured that.

7) Belated Christmas gift from an off-again, on-again friend. Scotch and a book on architecture. Some people just have me pegged, and helping a lush make his scotch-drinking feel intellectual, well, that's gold.

8) And haven't you found it odd, when all the smoke clears on an episode in your life, that the people still around aren't the ones you would have guessed?

9) And, having watched this interaction from afar last week, how great are friendships where apologies are implicitly given and accepted? Cheers for friends that humor fuckwittery!

10) Uh-oh. I'm broaching serious things. Quick! Distraction! Say something about girl-on-girl action and tingly balls again!

11) The title quote is about use of "and/or", per the Wisconsin Supreme Court (if you were curious).

12) I'm blathering. Good night!

What were the words I meant to say before you left?

2011-01-19T22:38:00.001-07:00

Hand to heaven, I always seem to catch hearings when the docket is already packed with criminal proceedings.

"Well, I can offer you two times," the clerk says. "8:15 am or 4:30 pm".

FAAAAAHHHHKKK.

I have a simple fantasy. No weird sex thing, no untold wealth, no cars from Oprah.

No, I just want:

Clerk: "Well, I'll put you down for the 1 pm setting, but, you know, don't rush back from lunch or anything - if you want to roll in around 1:30 pm, that'll work, too. Judge is cool like that. So, you know, whenever."

Just once.

I have about another 30 years of practice ahead of me, so I'm cautiously optimistic that this maaaaay happen.

Please?