The Argonauts (Cast of Characters)

Summarizing the various folks frequently mentioned in the blog, as requested by Ganching quite some time ago (sorry) - as you'll note, I'm going to go ahead and keep the old names, just for the sake of continuity . . .

Bliss: Me. I have nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills...

Lifer Associate: My de facto big sister - I'd probably have been disbarred by now if she hadn't intervened a couple of times. And she's a lesbian, so we get to check out girls together. Sweet.

Little Sister Associate: Little shy, little self-defeatist, but "wicked smaht." And I don't call her by her older sister's name anymore (for late-comers, I went to high school with her sister, who I asked out and shot me down - awkward!).

The Harem: Yah, I'm keeping this one, because it's the real name. This is what Lifer, and Little Sister call themselves when I'm around: "Bliss' Harem". How can I argue with that?

Sideshow Bob Associate: Has magnificent hair. And I'm still not explaining what a donkey punch is to her.

The Firm: It's where I work.

Pregnant Associate: Actually works at another firm, but I hassle her all the time. My legal encyclopedia, because I'm actually a semi-retarded panda.

Sidekick Associate: Used to work at The Firm. Then dipped his pen in the company ink. A lot. So he left.

VidStore Paralegal: Knew her before law school, before The Firm, in a whole 'nother town. We don't like each other. At all. To make matters worse, Sidekick Associate got her pregnant - so that caused a little bit of tension. She just quit, but I'm sure I'll make snippy comments about her from time to time.

Transactional Associate: At another firm - he does the kind of law that I don't, so we rely on each other whenever we foray into the other's field of expertise. He also left The Firm, dipped his pen in the company ink . . .

Porn Associate: We used to work at the aforementioned Video Store together. Worked at The Firm for a week, hated it, and went back to criminal law. Of any human being on earth, I've watched the most porn with her - almost comically absurd amounts (courtesy the Video Store and tape repairs).

PhD Brother: My little brother. He's the smart one.

Military Brother: My other little brother. He's the ladies' man.

Seattle Friend: We've been friends since we were 14. And we're still doing irresponsible shit. He's actually now in another town for grad school, but I'm leaving "Seattle" for the sake of clarity.

Professor Friend: Another "since age 14" friend. She's one of the few that still recall "the Paper Bag Incident." She's essentially my own Dr. Phil. Except female. And not fat and bald. And no silly accent. And doesn't give retarded advice. So actually, the whole Dr. Phil analogy is garbage. But you get the idea.

Arby's Friend: We worked at said fast food establishment way back when we were freshmen in college - and now we've wound up in the same town. Don't see each other much, largely because we're too old to shove couches off of balconies any more.

Co-Defendant Associate: Been working on a long series of cases for 2 1/2 years - we talk at least once a week, and email a lot more than that - but have actually only met once.

Nemesis Associate: The Anti-Bliss, works at a firm we frequently litigate against. I'm very Type B, take a cooperative approach to litigating cases, and am a torchbearer for the "getting into character, but it's not personal" school of lawyering. Nemesis, on the other hand, is very Type A, very combative, and will file a Bar Complaint if you so much as misspell a word in a letter to him - everything immediately becomes a personal attack. We hate each other. And, with my luck, we'll be litigating against each other for the next 50 years.

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Beyond that, I'll add as necessary (and if there's someone all y'all ask about). For the curious, I don't talk about clients or experts, because they're nice enough to pay us and/or help us with our cases, so it's my arbitrarily-drawn line on writing on this blog about them. Partners are rarely mentioned, for the simple fact that they employ me - all you need to know is that they're named by their general appearance or mood (e.g., "Grouchy Partner").